I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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