i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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