nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
