I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
