Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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