I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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