I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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