I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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