Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize