Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
