A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
