My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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