I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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