Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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