so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
