Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
