But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
