My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
