what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
