Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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