I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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