yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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