Im at strip club and am horny
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
