We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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