my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
