Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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