He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize