Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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