Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I need to calm my uterus...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
