Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
