He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You dont lie about slip and slides
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
