your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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