Bisexual people are plain selfish.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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