hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize