And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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