I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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