we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
