The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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