he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Text me some of your sweat
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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