And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
