im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize