I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
