If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Randomize
