I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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