batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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