Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
