I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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