Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
