I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
