he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize