My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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