I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
