i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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