dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My bed smells like the plague
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
