a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
