They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
