Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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