Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
