I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
