I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
