I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Never underestimate the power of titties
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
