Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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