I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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