Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
