Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize