after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
