i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
