none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
