Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
