I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize