textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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