Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
